A Year Reviewed

My wall locker is empty. Two duffles, a laptop case and my assault pack are filled with everything I own. Clothes. Military equipment. Electronics. All stuffed into green canvas bags with my name stenciled in black along the bottom and sides. Today marks the 361st day I have spent living in the middle east and as everyone finalizes the packing of their own possessions, gear, and selling what they aren't taking with, I thought I would publish one last posting to summarize the things that I have learned, noticed, experienced, realized and in the end, things I will miss, since last August.

What I won't miss:

1. The smell. No matter how you swing it, wherever you go, a stench of some form or another will burrow its way up into your nasial passage, making you gag to the point of skipping your next meal.
2. Hot Boxes. Soiled toilet paper trash cans next to The Throne. 120*+ temperatures. 'Nuff said.

3. Walking the 150m to the nearest bathroom where you realize sweat is dripping down your back, at which point you think maybe taking a shower every time you have to go to the bathroom doesn't sound so crazy.

4. Piggybacking off #3; checking for the elusive "Male" or "Female" sign on the door.....it was dark...I won't get into the "Why?" of this number....use your imagination....

5. Walking on dime to baseball sized rocks anywhere from 1/4 inch to 2 inches deep...sent out a search party once when a Soldier went missing....found her breathing through a straw outside the Dinning Facility after her entire body was swallowed whole by an oasis of rocks....on a positive note, I now have strong ankles.

6. Walking back from showering (at 10pm mind you) to my rack (living area) only to consider turning around and showering again because I find myself soaked in sweat laying in bed.

7. Sitting in a port-a-john and catching warm air jetting up with the realization that the aqua blue water below is on the verge of boiling.

8. Water conservation efforts closing laundry rooms, bathrooms, and showers for extended periods of time....sometimes up to 3 days.....

9. Running a few miles outside and spitting blood in the shower after. Which, upon walking back to my rack at 10pm, realize that I need to shower again because.....you guessed it....sweat is again dripping down my back. Perpetual circle.

10. Drying the hands with cheap paper that disintegrates on contact with any amount of water causing the hand to look like it has leprosy.

11. Eastern style toilets. Yes, I used one....more than once. I know now what Captain Morgan must look like taking a leak standing up.....

12. Hardly walking 5min before realizing that there is sweat dripping down my forearm and off my pinky finger onto the ground below me in full droplets.

13. Having a geyser of blue water from a port-a-john shoot up, attacking areas that make you uncomfortable. Doing your best to get it all, which cheap paper, but still finding later that night that your clothes now have an unmistakable streak of blue....

14. Hand sanitizer evaporating as soon as it touches the skin.

15. Speed bumps; they are EVERYWHERE in this country! I'm pretty sure civilian drivers have no regard for the law so in order to slow them down, speed bumps are installed to bottom out your car.

16. Watching birds 'pant' like a dog.

17. Steaming hot water radiating out of the flush toilet essentially giving you an unwanted spa treatment

18. Wearing sunglasses at 10pm, not to block out the sun, but in a feeble attempt to keep sand from gouging my eyes out during dust storms.
19. Uncontrollable shower temperatures.

20. Walking out of my tent during the "winter" months and feeling condensation forming on my hands within seconds, like a film covering my skin.

21. 20kph. The speed limit on post. 20kph...that's 12mph. I pass cars during my sprint workouts.

22. Waking up to 25+ alarm clocks going off between the hours of 0500-0700 EVERY MORNING.

23. Not having to walk 150m to the nearest bathroom when I wake up in the middle of the night.

24. Privacy.

25. Wiping the sand off everything, all the time....especially the laptop.

26. Showering with flip flops.

Things I am looking forward to:

1. Getting Ginger back

2. Seeing my family and friends

3. Picking up and taking my 2009 Ducati 848 for a ride

4. My new house

5. Fresh air

6. Driving my own car AND driving faster than 12mph

7. April's birthday

8. Birth of my nephew

9. Going to a Twins game

10. Tail gating at a Brewers game

11. Real beer

12. Grilling out

13. Poker night

Did you really think there was going to be a list of things I MISSED?!?!? Yea right! I'm ready for life to resume, go back to normal, have my personal space!!

However, there are only 3 things I will miss about this place but really won't do much to keep me here longer:
1. Random scalp massages from my barber

2. Indirect fire missions between office cubicals with beanie babies, hard candies and nerf darts

3. Watching seasons 1-4 of The Unit with Drew and swearing up and down at how ridiculously stupid their wives are.

And there you have it, a short composition of what I've learned and hope to appreciate more when I return to the States on Monday. I don't anticipate having internet for a while when I get back so I'll bid you all farewell, catch you on my next edition when I'm Stateside!